Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Letter to the garbage man

Dear Mr. Garbage man.

I would like to start with an apology. It dawned on me today that for the past nearly 4 years I have not been meeting your expectations with my garbage. I have continually gone out of my way to make sure that my garbage was bagged and in garbage cans sitting upright, with lids on them.

I realize that this was a mistake. I should have noticed the hints that you had given me sooner.

You've made it excessively clear that lids on garbage cans only get in your way, that must be why when you are finished with my garbage that you go out of your way to throw the lids away in the garbage cans so as to remove them from any future hindrances. I should not have been taking them out and putting them back on top. I finally got the point 3 weeks ago when you decided to run over one of my lids and leave it in broken useless shambles.

I also apologize for standing my garbage cans up. If you wanted them in a standing position you would obviously put them back that way to make it easier on yourself, but you clearly want them laying down and half in the alley, that must save you from having to walk the extra step to get it. If it were an occasional occurrence I may think that the wind just blew them down. However with them laying down nearly every time for 4 years I understand that you prefer them that way. I have also deduced this by paying attention to the neighbors garbage cans when you are done with them. Every one of them is laying down. Thank you for making it clear to all of us that this is how we should present our garbage to you.

I apologize for thinking that the purpose of my throwing garbage away was to actually get it to you in a bag that is in a garbage can with a lid. I mistakenly assumed that you didn't want rodents, raccoons or dogs tearing through it. I also figured that a garbage can half full of water would be hard to deal with, so I kept putting the lid on it. I guess that leaving the garbage can lay on it's side results in the same outcome.

So next week, when you get to my house, my garbage cans will be full, but I'll make sure that they are already laying down with no lids on them, to make your job easier.